The change in my mood since finding out is quantifiable. I didn't realize how often I was thinking about my future, until the thoughts weren't negative anymore. At least daily, if not several times a day, I think about the future. Before I was accepted, I would think about the summertime, and how I already know how it's all going to go, because I've done it here many, many times before. There's nothing exciting about that. It simply meant that the fall would be next, and that I'll be 30 in the fall, and nothing out of the ordinary is going to happen. Regardless of whatever turning 30 means, and keep in mind that it's meaning is entirely subjective, it is a milestone birthday in our culture, and I want to recognize said milestone with something new and exciting. Because really, what's a milestone at all if it's not the beginning of a new chapter of life?
Now when I think about the summertime, I think about how it'll be my last one here, and I better pay attention to the details. There will likely be more summers in my future in the midwest, but never here again. I love it here, but I'm through with it. I've been through with it for a long time. Now when I think about the fall, I think about turning 30 in a brand, spanking new environment, and the fact that I'll have been there long enough by then to have an idea of how to really take advantage of my surroundings. I also think about the old friends that will be slightly more accessible to me, and I get to believe that seeing them more often in general, and maybe even for my birthday specifically, is a tangible thing. When I mentioned to one of my best, old pals, who happens to have a 30th birthday four days after mine, that perhaps we could find a way to celebrate together this year, she agreed honestly and wholeheartedly.
This is so wonderful. I feel almost like a weight that I didn't even know was there, has been lifted from my shoulders. It stung a little when another friend said, "Better late than never," (though coming from this woman, who's on her way to Quantico, VA to become an FBI agent--seriously--it's an entirely valid statement), but even that was a negligible point. The bottom line here is that I'm going to do what I've said I've wanted to do for years and years. I've sought an opportunity, followed through with requesting for it to happen, and now that's it's finally been handed to me, I'm taking it and running until my lungs explode. This is IT. It's my "dream" future, and it's happening. In five years (or so; not entirely sure about that yet), I'll be teaching in a post-high school environment, making money that doesn't suck, and getting a couple months every year to do whatever I want, work-free. I'm a little in awe of myself and my life right now, especially after typing it all out here, and reading it over and over. I can't wait to see what my future brings, now that's it's become unpredictable!
