Woe Is Me

It really, really sucks when old flames get married to someone other than yourself, doesn't it? Even when the person he or she marries is awesome and a friend of yours, even when you're in your own (semi-) successful relationship, even when you kind of knew it would happen eventually anyway. Even then, it totally sucks.

I just learned today of the impending nuptials of someone I used to be madly in love with. He was my friend first and foremost, and his pining for me eventually made me pine right back. I was pretty stubborn though, and by the time I was willing to give "us" a chance, it turns out that it was just too late. Everything kind of fell apart after that, and though we're definitely friends again now, we aren't now nor will ever be friends like we used to be. I love the woman he's marrying. She's a true friend of mine and I've said a million times that they're made for each other, and I even meant it. But that still doesn't make my heart any less heavy with the knowledge that it's happening.

However, I have no reason nor right to do or say anything negative about this relationship. God knows that I couldn't be with him as he is anyway. I just miss the attention he used to give to me and the knowledge that I was first for him. The fact that I'm first for the man I'm with now is apparently not enough. Or maybe it's just so different from what I had with the other guy that it can't even compare. I think that's more accurate.

It makes me feel old, lame, small and sad. I don't like feeling this way, but duh, who would? Today has become a shit day and I can't think of any, single thing that would make it better, other than maybe instantly losing about thirty pounds, which will clearly not happen.