Center of Attention

As the title suggests, I love to be the center of attention. I love people watching me and laughing (with me, not at me) and feeling about me what I feel when I watch other people perform. The direct sales business I run from home (which is not related to the job that just laid me off) allows me to stand in front of groups of people and show off. I get to be The Expert and people listen to what I say and take it seriously. I'm told by at least one person at the end of every "party" that I'm great at what I do and they she's learned something new from me. I love telling people what to do and having them not question, but just listen and agree. Yes, I'm a bit of a control freak and I'm rarely wrong (it's true).

When I was a little girl, I used to want to be a singer or an actress (what little girl doesn't want that?), but what I think that really meant was that I just wanted everyone to pay attention to me. Ever since then, when I see someone on a stage, I'm envious. I've tried acting and though it was fun, it's not really my thing. I've always, always wanted to play guitar and sing in front of people, but it took 23 years for me to actually get a guitar and take lessons. It took five more years after that for me to learn to grab my nuts and play where others can hear me. A friend was over one night with his guitar and when he left the room, I picked it up and played a little of what I knew. He totally busted me when he came back and said that if I could do that, I shouldn't be afraid to let others hear. So when he started an open mic night in town shortly thereafter, I started playing. The first couple weeks were horrendous and nerve wracking. I sweated and shook and my voice cracked and my heart pounded so loud, I could hardly hear the "music" I played. The more I did it, the more comfortable I became, though, and while I'm by no means Good now, I certainly don't suck the way I did three months ago. I've found that a couple beers helps (of course), as does simply not thinking about it so damn much before I do it. If I spend hours beforehand practicing and perfecting, it's like there's too much pressure to live up to and I blow it. But if I just relax, pick up the guitar and play, it comes out fairly well. I still have nights where I'm shaky and crappy, but I also have nights where the (small) crowd whistles and screams when I'm done. Those are the nights that I want to play and play, cover after cover (because I definitely don't write anything original) and never stop because the positive attention I'm getting from it feels so damn good.